The readings in Unit #2 (Ch. 5-8) discuss diverse families and challenging family circumstances. Discuss three specific and important insights you have drawn from these chapters. You insights can include (1) research-based facts about a specific family challenge, (2) important ideas/considerations you had not previously thought of in working with families experiences challenges/transitions, and (3) new strategies/approaches which you have learned bout to promote engagement.
Remember to visit the Blog throughout the time it is open (10/10-11/1) and to not group all of your posts and contacts on one day. Remember too to use in-text citations and the required readings as a basis for your responses.
Chapter six discusses families that have one or both parents that are in prison. I have no experience working with families in this circumstance and have little knowledge about it throughout my education. I was shocked by the statistic that Grant and Ray (2019) stated saying, "nearly 2 million children in the United States have at least one parent incarcerated in a state or federal prison" (p. 184). I was overwhelmed at the list of emotional and academic challenges these children face.
ReplyDeleteGrant and Ray (2019) explained that, "one of the primary reasons why transitions are difficult for children appears to be the way a change affects the quality of parenting and the relationship between the children and their parent or caregiver" (p. 162). To me this was obvious, but at the same time, something I need to keep in mind more when working with families. Sometimes I get frustrated by how one child shows more behaviors when they are moving than another who seems unfazed by it. When thinking about the two families and knowing them it is clear that one family is more able to be there for their child during this stressful time and the other is just trying to make it to the next day. Keeping this knowledge and understanding in the back of my mind helps me be more patient with the child and better support them.
One common suggestion that was given throughout the chapters when working with families going through difficult transitions was to be prepared to answer the children questions. This is not an entirely new strategy to me but it is one that would not come natural to me in the moment. In my experience so far I have not had children ask me questions about difficult topics that are affecting them like divorce, parent suffering from serious illness, and death of a parent. These questions are uncomfortable for me to answer and/or talk about because I would be afraid to say the wrong thing. Grant and Ray (2019) explain that for many children the classroom is a safe place and they trust us which encourages me to answer and talk with children about these things so I can support them.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Lauren, Before this year, I did not ever have a child who had a parent who is in prison. When I started working with this student, I did not know the specifics of home life, mom did not seem to be too talkative. I feel that she gets judged about her significant other and her choices, and it is tough for the mother who works nights to support her child. This child already has a rough time due to his special education diagnosis, I cannot imagine what it is actually like at home.
DeleteI agree that we need to be able to talk about the hard things such as death or an incarcerated parent. I think asking for help from administrators, supervisors, and counselors really helps knowing what to say and how to say the tough facts of life.
When I worked on the Blackfoot Indian Reservation in Montana, I had a kindergarten student who was in foster care as her mother was in prison for murder. The mother would write her daughter letters (with lots of empty promises of all the things they would do together when she got out). It was a very difficult situation as the student wanted her mom back so badly. and would ask me to read her mother's letters to her. Our young students really do look up to us and view us as their safe guard, even more so then we sometimes realize.
DeleteHi Lauren! I think we as teachers need to remember that no two families, children, or children within the same family are alike. Each will need an approach and support that best suits their individual needs. The approach we take with each will be as varied as the individuals we are trying to support. I have found that sometimes a family member or child just needs someone to listen, and to let them know that the feelings they may be having are normal when dealing with a difficult situation. If we feel that stronger feelings, or difficult questions might come up, then it is usually best to consult with someone who has training in this area, such as a counselor, or mental health consultant. Like Grant & Ray (2019), I also feel that keeping a child's schedule as typical as possible (p. 175), helps to alleviate some of the stress they may be feeling. Routines help children to feel secure and expectations predictable. It is never easy talking with children and families about difficult topics, but like anything else, the more you do it the easier it becomes.
DeleteReplying for Allison Owens, 10/23/18: As I read the material on diverse families I have been reflecting on my experiences living in different parts of the country and the cultures and diversity I have experienced in various regions. Growing up in New Jersey I was surrounded by different cultures, however, my little town was predominantly white and middle class. I can only imagine the experiences of the few minorities who attended the school and I imagine they were often challenging.
DeleteSimilarly, my experiences teaching in the Maine Mid Coast region have been largely working with white children, however, this time of varying economic backgrounds. With so much discussion in the media about racism, I suspect there is some apprehension among professionals, including teachers, about how to interact respectfully with people of different cultures. I have felt uncomfortable in situations where I felt obviously more privileged than a child’s parents fearing that they would not respect or connect with someone like me.
It is challenging to appreciate someone’s differences and see them like oneself. For this reason I was particularly struck by the study by Hau-Yu Sebastian Cherng. This longitudinal study examined the ways teachers communicated with sophomore children’s families based on race and country of birth (Cherng, 2016 as cited in Grant and Ray, 2019). Cherng is a self-described troublemaker in high school and his parents were never contacted. Cherng (2016) found a sharp contrast between the teachers communicating with white families and those from different racial, ethnic and immigrant backgrounds. Cherng (2016) suggests this is due to stereotypes. However, I wonder if there is also an apprehension about how to respectfully connect with families of different backgrounds and make a true connection based on recognition of cultural similarities and differences. The cultural divide seems to raise a deeper issue within the white culture that until one can understand and respect oneself, it will be challenging to relate to, understand and resect others.
Replying for Allison Owens, 10/16/18:Lauren - I appreciate reading your thoughts on a child's home issues and the way changes at home appear in the behaviors at school. Among moving and incarceration, there is also blended families to consider. According to Grant and Ray (2019), 60 million children under 13 years old are living with one parent and that parent's partner. This has the potential to be really challenging for children, especially when other children are included and family dynamics entirely change. Often I can spot a dramatic change in a child's life, but it's only after conversations with parents that it is clear what is going on. The trick seems to be in finding time to connect and create partnerships with parents in order to support the children cope with their changing lives.
DeleteI found that there were several "obstacles" listed that seemed obvious, but also, as you said Lauren, are important to keep in mind. For example, most of the suggestions the authors give include getting to know your students and their families more than just names and a general idea of their home life, but really listening, reading body language, thinking of past experiences they may have had, etc. These are things I do throughout the year, however reflecting back on them, re-reading notes I've made and forms families have filled out prior to conferences, etc. will allow me to be in the right headspace to adequately be present and available for these families.
Deletetesting
DeleteAlison, you make a great point with considering blended families. Last year we had a 4 year old who was having accidents during the school day when she had been fully potty trained. We actually had to have her go in the bathroom every hour so she would not have an accident. During this time her parents had divorced and her mother moved to Portland allowing them to only see each other on the weekends and school breaks. Not long after her mother remarried. This year she has not had any accidents. All the change was clearly hard for her.
DeleteMelissa, being in the the right headspace is such a great way to word it. It is almost like you have to enter their world as best as possible to truly be present so you can be understanding and aware of their point of view.
On page 188 the book talks about working with families and children who are in foster care. This section is important to me because half of my students are in foster care, and through out my teaching career I have had many students who have entered and exited the foster care program. I really liked the quote Grant and Ray (2019) chose on page 188, “There are no unwanted children. Just unfound families.—Anonymous (Foster and Adoptive Family Services Blog, 2017)” I have seen this to be true numerous times. It is not always an easy process but supporting the family through these tough times is more than rewarded when you get to see them celebrate finally and legally a part of their family. Grant and Ray (2019) also mention that a foster care placement is not intended to be a long term placement. However it can be a process that takes a long time, depending on the situation (p. 188). Again, this is something I have unfortunately been able to be a part of. Some times the reunification is quick, sometimes it takes a long time, up to a few years. Other times parental rights may be terminated quickly and sometimes it takes a while. It is hard to say what is best, because each case is a different situation.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience working with children in foster care as infants and toddlers they have had little time to practice their skills and development. They may be behind developmentally because they haven’t had the experience. As this quote says there are other challenges that children in foster care may experience. “Children placed in foster care may also have emotional and behavioral issues and may blame themselves for being removed from the home. They may lack in social skills and use aggression as a way to solve problems (Noble, 1997). All these issues present special challenges to teachers and call for extra effort to help children in foster care succeed.” (Grant, Ray, 2019. p.189). A point from this quote that I never thought of in this way was that the children in foster care might feel like they are to blame for their removal. Most of the time a child is removed from his/her biological parents due to a traumatic event. The way that children process this is much different than someone with more understanding would. They might blame themselves. Social and Emotional development is a focus for those who are working with children in foster care.
This brings me to the last insight that I took from this section on working with families and children in foster care. The section titled Suggestions for Working With Students In Foster Care has many ideas and thoughts for those who may have this experience. One of the suggestions is to provide emotional and social supports for the child, more so than you might with a child who hasn’t had these experiences. Another suggestion is to make the classroom a safe place with consistency and routine. (Grand and Ray, 2019) This I have found is so important due to the lack of stability that they have just experiences. When children enter in my classroom and they are in foster care it means that a good part of their life has been either transitioning into foster care or being with a family that is new to them. It is so important to make sure that the classroom is a place that they know what to expect and can feel safe, respected, and cared for. This is what we strive to do for our children every day.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
I like the quote you used about "there are no unwanted children". It is unfortunate that children have to experience trauma at such an early age. And while social and emotional development is important for all children, there are definitely setbacks for children who are in foster care and/or broken homes. These children need adults who have the skills and knowledge to help them gain these skills.
DeleteBrittany, I think I have read that quote somewhere else before. When I saw it again, it gave me the same feeling...as it is so true. Years ago we had a child at Sweatt-Winter who was in foster care in a non-relative home. He was specifically placed with this family, because they take in children who exhibit behavioral issues. He also had another person who provided respite for them. I cannot imagine how this must have felt for him. He had some fairly significant behavioral issues, and required a staff member to be with him constantly. Though, after a time with consistent routines and expectations, he began to show some improvement. Then, one day we were told that he would be returning to his Mom. For me, it felt like all that hard work we put in, was probably going to unravel. I know that it is best for a child to be with their biological parent(s), however, it is not easy knowing that they will most likely struggle again. How many of the foster children that you have within your program struggle with behavioral issues?
DeleteI found it surprising that Grant and Ray (2019) found, "....only about 30% of children were placed with relatives". (p. 188) I find it sad to think that there is not a grandparent, aunt or uncle who could provide foster care for a child within their family. However, I suppose that they may not be in a position financially, or emotionally/mentally to provide full-time care for a child. We currently have two children who were fostered by their grandparent, and have now been adopted by them. Are most of the foster children in your classroom currently with a non-relative foster family?
Hi Julie, I would say that all of the children that I have worked with in foster care have behavioral challenges. However, it is hard to say looking at it more closely if I would consider that if I didn't know they were in foster care. What I mean by that is if I wasnt aware would I think that one child just gets frustrated easily, or another one has a very slow to warm personality, but where I know their past I see that violence/frustration was what they knew for the first year of their life and the other child was never with one consistent caregiver so they do not make connections easily. Many of the kids I have worked with in foster care have what I would consider severe behavior challenges who require a 1 on 1 due to the trauma they have experienced. In ECH 540 I am researching children who have experienced trauma and their social emotional development, so this topic is weighing heavily on my mind! Out of the 4 foster kiddos in my class only 1 is placed with a relative and they are very distantly related.
DeleteHi Brittany, I understand what you are saying about our perceptions of children's behavior, not knowing their back history. It is definitely helpful in knowing where a child is coming from, when responding to challenging behaviors. Our approach changes depending on what they have had to deal with in their short lives. I recently shared an article with my staff about how trauma can affect a child. I look forward to learning more about your research!
Deletehello! I might be back!
DeleteBrittany, I definitely agree that having a stable, predictable routine in the classroom is important. This is true for all students, but I imagine for students who are in foster care, this is even more important because school can be a part of their life they feel like they have some control over. They don't have to constantly wonder what will happen next, who will be here, what is expected, etc. because it is the same day in and day out. I have had no students who have been in foster care, at least not while they were in my program, however I did have a student whose father passed away early in the school year, and at the end of the year her mom spoke with me about how she, and her daughter, felt a sense of relief when it was time to go to school each day. They didn't have to wonder, they didn't have to worry. The child could come and be a learner and play with friends, and mom could have that time for herself to do the "ugly grieving" she needed to get out as well. I always make sure to give plenty of advanced notice, when possible, when our routine will change because being "little" is tough and feeling like you have no control can be so frustrating, especially for young children who are just beginning to learn about who they really are and developing their personalities.
DeleteChapter seven discusses homelessness which is one area that I do not have a personal educator experience. Every year, we have trainings at CDS that describes homelessness and how to help support families in this situation. I have worked in some different areas for my current position. I have worked with children in different aspects of poverty and currently doing my research on this topic. Of course, there have been people including my husband that has had a student who is homeless. We were discussing the increasing numbers of homeless in our state and country and our often preconceived notions about people who are facing hardships and financial stress (either being those who take drugs or have severe alcoholic problems). There is a lot of prejudice and judgment toward those who are homeless and to understand the entire situation is so important to understand the children involved. The amount of children who are homeless, according to Grant and Ray (2019) is nearly 200,000 at any given day. Realizing that it is a severe issue due to many different aspects, from an increase in rent, a parent that is seriously ill, or those parents who have critical substance abuse or mental health issue.
ReplyDeleteSome ideas to help with the transition for children in this situation is that teachers need to be sensitive to the children and families struggles. \
One suggestion that stood out during this section was to talk to the homeless liaison for advice and to best help support the families during this time. Support can be a further education for the parents, services that they might not be aware of or affordable housing. Some resources, according to Grant and Ray (2019) might come from the McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act that ensures that youth experiencing homelessness should have the same quality of services that are provided to other students. This
One suggestion, according to Grant and Ray (2019) is to work with the community to help support families who are homeless for homework places, counseling and other resources available in the community. This support will not only help the families who need supports but also include them in the community. Another suggestion includes making the classroom a safe haven for students, because their lives are so unpredictable they need the consistency and routines in their lives. Students will know what to expect while at school and can feel relaxed when they are supposed to learn.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, School, and Community Collaboration: Culturally Responsive Family Engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
In my experience families who are experiencing homelessness sometimes are not willing to share that information. I had a family once who didn't let us know for a while that they had lost their home and they were staying with relatives from house to house. The child's behavior didnt change, but I do wish I could have been a better support for the parent had I known. I like the suggestion from Grant and Ray (2019) that you mentioned about connecting to the community. That is a great reason to be a part of a CAP agency. CAP's are really connected to many different resources.
DeleteVeronica I do agree that it is hard to support in an area when you have not had personal experience. I know that for me having my son has brought me closely to the families that I serve. When families would express concerns about their children I would often express my understanding about what they were going though. What I failed to have was a similar experience. I did not have a child and I really did not know how to connect or understand what they were going through. Now having a son I feel that I 'get' my parents so much better. This is why it is great to reach out and have resources readily available to connect families with people who have had similar experiences.
DeleteIn reading and discussing homelessness in class, I find the complexity of the issue quite interesting. The term "homelessness" sounds pretty cut and dry- either you have a home or you don't have a home. However, Grant and Ray (2019) discuss how the numbers of homeless children can not be truly reflective of the depth of the epidemic as many families are homeless, but not living in a shelter, motel, or on the streets. These families may be couch surfing or staying in overcrowded apartments with relatives or friends. I have had several students in my class that lived in campers during large parts of the school year. It seems like families in this situation could be identified as homeless. However, the families may not consider themselves homeless. It seems like there should be a better term used that does not have such severe and negative connotations to help families get support and resources without feeling self-conscious.
DeleteHomeless families are something that I have had a lot of experience with at Educare. It is a tricky situation and sometimes families are unwilling to share that information. I had a family who started the year homeless. They were living with family, but all three of them sleeping on an air mattress. The mother did not want to open up about it initially and the only reason she did is because we started discussing a home visit. Her aunt was not comfortable with me coming there. We did the first visit at school, and they recently found an apartment. It is wonderful when you can share their joy. She was very excited to schedule our home visit in a couple weeks and I was smiling as big as she was when she said "you can come to our home this time!" People are homeless for so many different reasons, but unfortunately there is so much judgement about it. For many, it is hard to understand something you have been fortunate enough to experience.
DeleteAshley I think your experience relates to what Grant and Ray (2019) say about collaborating with families who are homeless, we need to be sensitive and understanding. Initially you might have thought that this family just didn't want you inside their house. We can't judge our families, or anyone for that matter, because we do not know what their circumstances are.
DeleteBrittany, I was thinking the same thing as I read this thread of posts, especially Ashley's. It is so important to "meet families where they are" and recognize them as human beings above all else. We have all struggled in different ways, we can all provide some sort of help for those who are struggling if we are only willing to move past judgement and invest in helping create a better situation.
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ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a dark cloud over my classroom this year, and I really found myself drawn to the chapter about families in transition. It really seems as though many of the children in my classroom as going through serious transitions and it has been a struggle to know what to say and how to support them.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading, I found myself very connected to the section about the death of a parent or family member. Early this year, a child who I had in my classroom last year, lost his baby sister. Though I am not this child’s teacher this year (he switched to the morning session), I still see both him and his mother regularly as he is in the classroom that I share with his teacher. I really struggled on what to do with this situation. Honestly, it is hard to not cross a line when you have a close relationship with a family. I remember when his mom told me she was pregnant and how proud she was that it was going to be a baby girl. I felt like I was grieving with the family. Grant and Ray (2019) discussed how, as a teacher, you may not really know exactly what to do or say to the family after a death and you may struggle to know whether to say something or to respect their privacy. This is exactly how I felt in this situation. I had developed a strong connection with this parent, but I was still unsure how to handle the first time seeing her.
I also felt connected to the section about incarcerated parents. I have a child in my classroom this year whose father was incarcerated. Mom was open with me about it and explained how it has effected the child, as she was not able to see her father as much. Grant and Ray (2019) state that it is important understand how the child wants to share information about the situation, as well as understand what the parent has told their child. When this child’s mother told me about her father, I immediately asked if the child knew. The mother said not really, but she has visited him there. The child didn’t really say much about it in class, but she does like to look at her father’s picture on our family and friends wall and she said that she did open up to me about “seeing daddy at a table.” Unfortunately, her father passed away in prison last week. Now I will be shifting my thinking with child from having a parent in prison, to helping her through the grief she will have from losing her father.
A couple weeks ago, another student of mine was displaced by a fire in his home. Thankfully, no one was home at the time and everyone is safe, but they did lose almost everything in the fire. In the section about difficult transitions, it said “Give time to adjust. This means possible tears and tantrums…” (Grant & Ray, 2019, p. 167). I have found myself thinking about this a lot this week, as this child has, understandably, been having a very hard time emotionally since the fire. He is able to talk about it, and when we had our visit with firefighters this week he told them that they put out the fire at his house. Though he doesn’t get emotional talking about the fire, he is definitely struggling with the transition and has had many more tantrums than normal, and has a hard time when his mom leaves.
I have found that this entire chapter has been very helpful for me this year. It gave me some good pointers about things to say and things to keep in mind when talking with the children or their families. Because of the close relationship I have developed with these families, it can be difficult to know how to react.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Ashley,
DeleteIt really is tough to deal with serious issues with families, such as death. I think you handled yourself extremely well, even though you really wanted to be someone the parent to talk to. It seems that the place where you work is working hard on collaboration and supporting families.
I think with your close ties to your families, how you feel and react is very important, because you are working so close to those families. I think your place of employment does an excellent job to support the families and the students in your classroom.
Those are very heavy situations, all in one year! It is so hard as a teacher because we do celebrate the child and families milestones and accomplishments, but we also grieve their losses, feel their pain, and hurt with them (not at the same rate) but we are stuck at how to help and be professional as well. It is important to be a support for the child and the family. I think you being aware that the child might need some time to tantrum and get their emotions out is a great gift you are giving that child! They may show more behaviors in your room because you are setting up that safe space for them to do that. It is so important though.
DeleteKeep up the great work! One of my favorite quotes is, "The best thing about being a teacher is that it matters. The hardest thing about teaching is that it matters every day!" -Todd Whitaker
Hi Ashley,
DeleteWow... you certainly have a lot on your plate as far as children dealing with transitions! It is definitely hard to know what to say when dealing with the death of a child. I think just letting the person know that you are there for them, and that you feel their pain is sometimes enough. Years ago we had a single mom who learned she was pregnant with her boyfriend's child. All was well until a week before her due date, when all of a sudden the baby stopped moving. It was determined that the baby had died in utero. During her pregnancy, she had learned that she was Lyme positive. Her doctor in Farmington assured her that that could not have caused the baby's death. However, months later a Lyme specialist disagreed, and said that it was most likely the Lyme spirochetes that had entered the baby's system and caused her death. We were all devastated...and the mom now had a whole new round of grief feeling like she had caused her baby's death. It was a tough situation, but we supported her and her son as best we could. She was open to having her son talk about his sister's death in whatever way he wanted, and we were told to be open and honest with him. Not all families would be like that though. Death is definitely one of those subjects that is difficult. I certainly hope your year improves...and that you are able to connect with your families in meaningful ways without it being to uncomfortable for you.
Thanks to each of you for your kind words and support. It has been a struggle for sure, but we have been able to work through it. The child who recently lost her father has a "Daddy bear" that she brings to school. It is a stuffed bear with a shirt that has a picture of the two of them on it. She carries it around with her everywhere, and though we have rules about "home toys" we allow her to have it. She also visits our Family and Friend wall often and looks at the pictures of him there.
DeleteI feel as though our families have felt supported throughout the whole process, and thats what matters most to me.
Ashley, I know you touched on these situations in class, but each time I hear about them my heart hurts a little more! I definitely understand what you mean about being unclear what would be considered "crossing the line" with families who are close with, but have a professional relationship with at the same time. A past student of mine, her father passed away. I had her older sister the year before and had developed a great relationship with the family. Mom was very open about the health struggles of the dad early on in their oldest daughters year with me, and kept me updated even over the summer between her oldest and youngest daughter being in my class. I was concerned I would overstep with the family, as they were in a very sensitive place, but also because this was a current student/family and how would my administration want me to handle everything? It can definitely be tough when you want to do more but really can't.
DeleteWhen considering research Grant and Ray (2019) state that “second to families, schools are the most important stabilizing force in students’ lives” (p. 178). As an educator, I know that school is important for children’s cognitive development and especially their social development. After reading this statement it reminded me about the importance of a consistent stable learning environment. For most of our students’ school is the most consistent environment they know. Students experience many family challenges and that is why we need to build relationships not only with our students but their families as well. This is how we are going to best serve our families. In a school there is much more learning going on than just ABCs and 123s. When thinking about our society today teachers would really benefit from social service/ counseling professional development.
ReplyDeleteIn years past when we have had families with parents that are separated I have also just contacted the primary parent. I’ve always attempted to contact both parents but with the lack of time being a teacher it never seemed to happen consistently. At the start of this school year I made a promise to myself that for the benefit of the children as well as the families I would make time to contact both parents in families that are separated. This year I have two families where the parents are no longer together. In Grant and Ray (2019) they suggest newsletters and communication be through both parents, including the noncustodial parent. It has been discussed that noncustodial parents have felt less involved when it comes to their child’s education. When family face challenges like divorce or separation, we need to be sensitive to both the children and adults. It is important that both parents are aware and apart of the conversation in regard to their child’s development.
As educators, we will have many students who come in and out of our classroom with different backgrounds and experiences. If we make judgment on these students and their families we will not be able to make connections which in turn will have a negative impact on their learning. It’s imperative that we work with families to understand their perspectives (Grant & Ray, 2019, p. 149). If we are communicating with families and they feel welcomed then they will be more likely to participate in their child’s learning. In order to support children’s development they also need to feel like school is a stable and welcoming environment. Even though it may take time as we discussed previously it is important to create a collaborative relationship with the families we serve.
I have also had difficulties in communication for families with parents that are separated. Grant and Ray (2019) make the suggestion of communication with the non-custodial parents, while this is a good suggestion in theory, making it happen can be challenging. Many non-custodial parents have shared that papers sent home for them do not make it to their home, as the child only goes on the weekend. This school year I did ask families how many copies of important papers they would like to try and make sure both parents are being given information about their child's time at school.
DeleteIn my past experience usually the custodial parent communicates all important information to the non-custodial parent. After thinking it over though I do think as teacher I should be trying to reach out to both parents when appropriate. Grant and Ray (2019) state how non-custodial parents often fell a disconnect about their child's life. The issue I ran into this year was I had a non-custodial parent attend our first official "home visit" and he was very vocal about wanting to have a separate folder for his house as well as phone calls about important information and dates. So far this year I have had to call Dad two times to come grab his excess of paper build up at school because he is not sending in his folder. I have also made several attempts and left voicemails on Dad's phone and I have not heard back from him. This can be very frustrating.
DeleteBrittany, I agree that school is a very important of the day for students. Aside from consistent schedules and expectations, it can also be two guaranteed meals a day, a warm, dry place, etc. I typically send all correspondence to whoever is listed on the summer questionnaire I have parents fill out, and also if there is information loaded into our systems from screenings etc. At conferences, I usually ask how they would like communication to be handled: group email, separate, one parent vs. the other, etc. So far I have been lucky in that both parents do a great job co-parenting and informing each other of things that are going (if one parent receives the daily folder, they pass along any information about special events etc.). I had a family last year that labeled the inside of their child's folder, one pocket said "Don't take yet!" and the other "Ready for removal." This way, I would know when both parents had had the opportunity to see the information and I could remove it. Occasionally they would also put a sticky note "Want to make sure s/he sees this first! Please don't take yet!" It was great to see that they could put any differences aside and make the effort for their child.
DeleteChapter Five discusses working with culturally diverse families. Grant and Ray (2019) list important criteria for choosing multicultural children’s books for your classroom library. I found this section incredibly helpful. I have lots of books that reflect cultural diversity in my collection. However, sometimes I am concerned about whether they are high quality texts and whether they appropriate reflect various cultures. Picking out obvious cultural stereotypes can be easy to do in low quality or outdated children’s books. I am more concerned about stereotypes that may be subtle, and difficult for someone that is not part of the specific culture to recognize. I loved Grant and Ray’s idea of looking for reviews of multicultural children’s books written by people who are experts on that particular culture. I made a free account and browsed around on the School Library Journal website (https://www.slj.com/) and it was a great resource! I would definitely suggest checking it out. I read an interesting article about picture books for the fall holiday season. Grant and Ray (2019) mention that it is okay to teach about holidays in the classroom, as long as you are teaching about holidays from a variety of cultures. Many teachers fill their book shelves with books about Halloween and Thanksgiving during this time of year. This particular article offered ideas for high quality books related to Halloween and Thanksgiving, as well as fall holidays that other cultures may celebrate, like Diwali.
ReplyDeleteChapter Six discusses working with families in transition. Grant and Ray (2019) discuss suggestions for working with students in families undergoing separation. I found this section valuable as many of my children have parents who are undergoing a separation, divorce, or break-up. Grant and Ray suggest including both parents in conferences and scheduling separate conferences if necessary. With parent/teacher conferences coming up in the next couple weeks, this was a good reminder. In the past, when I know co-parents struggle to get along, or have angst or anxiety towards one another, I contact the parents separately to arrange conference times. However, many times I do not know the whole picture and I am unsure of whether I should contact parents separately, or assume they will show up together. Has anyone had experience with this? I am also interested in getting some advice on an upcoming conference I have with one of my students. (Names changed for anonymity). Caleb and Jack are both students in my class. Caleb’s mom is in a relationship with Jack’s dad and they have lived together for a little under a year. Jack spends about half of his time with his dad, so he and Caleb are basically stepbrothers. Caleb’s mom is coming for his conference and Jack’s dad may come along. I am thinking they may have questions about how Jack is doing in school as well. I am wondering whether I should share information about Jack with them. Where Caleb’s mom is not legally Jack’s stepmother, I am wondering if sharing educational information would be a violation of FERPA. What do you guys think?
Grant and Ray (2019) stated that “the majority of families below the poverty line include one or two workers in the family, shattering the myth that families are poor because of unemployment or dependence on government assistance” (p. 199). I definitely hear this stereotype of people living in poverty on a regular basis. I went to the Early Childhood Institute in Augusta and Donna Beegle was the guest speaker. It really opened my eyes and changed my perspective on poverty, the causes of poverty, and supporting people living in poverty. There is a lot of rural generational poverty in my school district. I hope to find more ways to support families in poverty through family engagement.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
As Grant and Ray (2019) stated, "as a professional in the field of education, you will be supporting the basic principle of family engagement as a part of healthy child development and learning for children from diverse families." (p. 157)
ReplyDeleteIt is important that we are aware of the different cultures and beliefs that families we are serving have and are mindful of these differences in our classrooms. By trying to get to know some of these differences we can better support our students as well. I think that it important for teachers to use family surveys at the beginning of the school year to get a sense of what is important to the family and their interests.
Grant, K.B. & Ray, J.A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Hi Justina,
DeleteI agree that family surveys are incredibly beneficial in helping teachers learn about families' cultures and beliefs. Grant and Ray (2019) discuss Luis Moll's family funds of knowledge and this theory reminded me a lot of the family surveys I collect. I ask a lot of questions about parents' jobs, hobbies, interests, and skills to look for opportunities where they could come and share these with our class. My issue is I don't always check these as much as I should throughout the school year. This is something I definitely need to be more aware of!
Chapter six spoke to me as over my teaching career I have had students in my class who have gone through all of the transitions that were described such as moving, divorce, parents in the military, parents in prison and parents who have died (Grant and Ray, 2019). There was a lot of death on the Reservation I worked on (lots of young parents dying of drug and alcohol abuse) and I had students who lost parents even over the course of the school year. It was very sad and it was difficult to know what to say or do to help these students deal with the emotional trauma. Let along try to teach them anything academic when they were struggling emotionally.
ReplyDeleteA little over a year ago I separated from my children's father (we had been together for over 12 years). My daughter had just started first grade and my son was only 2. It was very difficult but I truly felt that my children would be better off if we separated as the environment became toxic and there was always so much tension in the air when him and I were together. While we tried not to argue in front of the kids, they could feel the tension in the air. It was a difficult school year for my daughter as she had to learn to transition between my house and her dad's and felt as though it was somehow her fault that we had separated. It is unfortunate and she struggled to focus in school. It was a difficult year but she is doing better now and my son will be ok too. He struggled more with not having me all the time. He would cry for me when he was at his dads. Keeping a routine, structure and communicating the best I can with my ex has helped with the transition. Learning to effectively co-parent with him while being separate has been a big learning curve for me. It was interesting to read all the different ways of how teachers can help their students who are experiencing a divorce or separation and it is an area that I would like to explore more both as a mom and a teacher.
Grant, K.B. & Ray, J.A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
It is never easy to be a child going through a divorce. I have done it and looking back I always wonder if my parents could had done anything different. Switching off every other weekend was hard for me and going to visit my dad for six weeks in the summer made it difficult. When my parents got divorced we moved to Maine and the closest my dad ever got was Massachusetts because of work. It was hard for me to be that far away. I know he always tried his best.
DeleteFor the first time in my teaching career I am working with two ELL students this school year. Our district has assigned several ELL workers to my classroom who rotate throughout the day to work with the two students. Grant and Ray (2019) discuss the importance of communication with the families of ELL students, and some of the challenges that can arise in doing this. While we are already implementing some of the suggestions from the book I found the information about hosting a family education workshop to be quite interesting. Grant and Ray (2019) present these workshops as a way to help ELL parents to understand the curriculum that is used in the classroom. I find that sometimes it is difficult to communicate information to both of these parents (both are currently learning English through adult education classes) that stretches beyond how their child’s day was. I think that with the assistance of the ELL workers a program around the curriculum could be very beneficial to the parents, students, and myself.
ReplyDeleteA good population of our students come from families that have either gone through or are going through a divorce/separation. Working with these students and families has always been a challenge, as each family situation is very different. Along with families handling a divorce/separation differently, children also have a varied response in dealing with the situation (Grant & Ray, 2019). I have found that often children at the age of four or five often have mixed information about the divorce/separation, some families share small amounts of information while others share quite a bit. Grant and Ray (2019) talk about the importance of being a listener for the child. While this seems like an obvious statement, it’s a vital one. Children will express their feelings about the situation in different ways and as their teacher it is important to be ready to listen, whether it be through play or an actual conversation. Grant and ray (2019) also talked about having age appropriate books in the classroom that talks about divorce. I have never come across any that stand out as great resources, has anyone else?
“The face of homelessness has changed significantly over the past few decades” (Grant & Ray, 2010, p. 210). I found this quote to be very interesting in thinking about the families that I have encountered through school who were homeless. Many of these families had a place to stay (couch surfing, homeless shelter, hotel, etc.) however in the end these families were still homeless. Grant and Ray (2010) discuss a variety of reasons that families become homeless, one being an increase in rent. In recent years the rental costs in our community have skyrocketed, making it difficult or impossible for families to find affordable housing options. While we are lucky to have a shelter that accepts families (priority is given to families) and provides services to help get these families back on their feet the need is much greater than space allows for. I know the school district does have some resources for families that are homeless, but I would be interested in finding out exactly what those resources are and how families can access them. Currently the Pre-K program collaborates with the local Head Start, who provides resources to families who are homeless as well.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Replying for Allison Owen, 10/23/18:Sarah - I like that you bring up the subject of divorce and how to help children cope by being a good listener. As I was growing up, a number of my friends'parents went through divorces. I have only one student to date that has experienced a parental divorce. I would also love to know of good age appropriate books for helping children understand their situations. I also wonder about using art therapy in this situation. Knowing how to use support strategies for divorce or even shared custody situations is crucial today as statistics show a raise in single-parent families (National Center for Health Statistics, 2006 as cited in Grant and Ray, 2019).
DeleteWow! This is amazing what you wrote and very eye opening. I know we always have children every once in awhile who may be going through a change or challenge, but it sounds like you are going through it almost on a daily basis. I know it is your first time teaching, but do you feel like you are feeling like you are helping children more since they are going through all these challenges. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.
DeleteI feel like this school year my students are going through more of these challenging transitions than in past years. I try my best to help the children who are going through these challenges, but at times I feel like I'm unsure of what to do to help them. It definitely adds another level to what we do in the classroom on top of our normal curriculum. The biggest thing we do is keep school a safe and happy place for children.
DeleteIt must be very challenging to work with families who do not speak English seems how so much is communicated through writing and conversations. We have a few students in the school who are from Canada but the parents speak English so the communicating with the family part isn't as much of a struggle. What are some ways that you guys communicate with these families?
ReplyDeleteWhen I taught public PreK I had a little boy from Mexico in my class who did not speak any English at the beginning of the year. His parents were illegal immigrants who worked on a farm. The child was born in the US so was legal, but his parents could not leave the farm. Luckily we had a translator working with the family that would help me communicate with the family. The child picked up a lot of English in a short period of time just through the everyday interactions he had with peers and staff.
DeleteThis past summer we learned that one of our families was separating. The oldest child, who is four, attends our full day preschool program. They also have a child who is almost two and a half. The decision to separate was a direct result of dad's infidelity, which mom was not prepared for. Since the separation, the children spend some days/nights with mom, and some with dad. While many families stick to the same days/nights, this family does not. Mom provides us with a schedule at the beginning of each week. Just reading it is enough to confuse me, and I cannot imagine being a child and having to live it. The older son is also attending public Pre-K two full days a week, which is another change in routine. While he has had some occasional outbursts, his behavior has remained fairly normal. His younger brother, however, has seemed more agitated when accompanying dad at pick-up time. I wonder if eventually the effects of this separation will also begin to cause a more dramatic change in behavior in the older brother. I was interested to learn that "current research seems to conclude that divorce has a negative effect on preschool-aged children's emerging literacy" (Grant & Ray, 2019, p.170). While these parents are not yet divorced, it certainly appears like the relationship is headed in that direction. I worry about this child, as he was just blossoming in the area of pre-literacy and pre-writing skills. Will this separation now hinder that natural progression? I certainly hope that if it begins to, that we can provide interventions to thwart its effects.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I was not prepared for was my own personal feelings about this situation. I am usually one who can remain neutral, however, this dad's behavior has made that difficult, and is challenging my my ability to do so. About a month ago, the teachers noticed this dad "watching" the college girls, and trying to gain their attention by tossing his long hair around and other outward gestures. Thankfully this has stopped, but it definitely changed the way I see/feel about him, and I have to remind myself to stay neutral. This separation has also affected relationships across classrooms, as this family was close friends with one of the part day families. At our family meeting at the beginning of the month mom chose not to attend as it was dad's night with the children. I learned from the part day mom that she would not be attending either, as she would be staying with the mom to provide her emotional support. There is obviously some animosity between this other family and the dad, because while at the family meeting the dad's did not interact with one another at all. It is sad to see, and certainly not something that I was prepared for.
I have now made sure that I am making an effort to greet dad at pick-up times, and to try to build a relationship with him. Grant and Ray (2019) suggest that it is important to remain neutral, and to keep both parents engaged in their child's school experience. I realize that I need to approach one of the parents to see if they would prefer to each have their own parent mail slot rather than sharing the one they currently have. I have hesitated to do this, because I know for mom, this is going to make everything seem more "real". However, I know I need to be considerate of dad and what his wishes may be. It definitely is a tricky road to travel, and I am thankful that most of our families seem to be in solid relationships. Though I know that can change at any given time.
Julie,
DeleteThat is a very tough situation to be in. I often see that parents who are separating have a negative effect on their children. I often feel for those children who experience negativity from the separation or conflict in the homes.
However, the behavior that he exhibited towards the young college girls is "I'm sorry" disgusting. Maybe my own feelings should not get in the way but we cannot help how we feel. This is a tough road to be on because you want to do right for the children involved.
This textbook for ECH 538 has been fantastic and has helped me in many different ways so far this school year. Working in Portland where there are a lot of different ethnic background, you deal a lot with making sure that you are not going against someone’s religion or ethical beliefs.
ReplyDeleteAfter our last zoom meeting I did a lot of thinking about the different cultures that we have around the state of Maine and how working at the Jewish Community Alliance school in Portland, I have learned a great deal about the Jewish religion or culture. In chapter five it talks a lot about culturally diverse families and what the true definition is. The chapter suggests a lot about networking and what that looks like Grant and Ray (2019). At the Jewish Community Alliance we have JFS which is a program that supports families who may need some help to find others who can help them, whether that is financially or just someone to talk to. JFS provides a food bank, diapers, and even clothing around the holidays. Having your classroom be adaptable for different cultures is something the Grant and Ray (2019) also discussed. I feel that growing up I did not see many different cultural related items in the classrooms. We always had the American flag, but in my preschool room we have a small American flag and also an Israeli flag.
In chapter six they discuss “Students of Families in Transition.” There is a lot of talk about how we can support students who move to your school or classroom or even how we could support them to get ready to leave Grant and Ray (2019). Moving is always hard on kids and I am not sure if parents always understand the toll it takes on them. Personally, when growing up I moved twice. It was always hard because you needed to learn your way around a new school, get on the bus with kids you did not know, and the biggest make new friends. Moving is not the only transition that is hard for children. When your parents get divorced it can be very traumatic for young children and something they will never forget. My parents divorced you and I remember always feeling like it was my fault. I believe that is where I get a lot of my anxiety from. You are always trying to please or comfort one of the parents. Divorce is very hard but remarriage is also hard. What if you do not like the person your parent is going to marry? The list could go on and on about transitions that families have to go through. Parents who are in the military, a death in the family, children with parents in prison, and students in foster care Grant and Ray (2019). As sad is it is to say the possibilities are really endless and everyone may take transitions different.
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As teachers it is important for us to be there for children and families no matter what the obstacle may be. Even if we cannot help them directly but may know someone that can help them. It is always the thought that counts.
Grant, K. B. & Ray, J. A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Hello Lauren,
DeleteI also experienced the transition of divorce. My parents divorced when I was only three years old but it is something that follows you throughout your life. I know that my parents wanted the best for me as all parents do but they did not help the transition. When going through these tough times parents don't always think about how their children are processing the change because they themselves are trying to process. Grant and Ray (2019) say that when parents maintain "security and provide emotional support for children, the negative effects" of a difficult transition can be minimized (p. 169). As educators we need to aware when families are going through transitions so that we can support as needed. Knowing what is going on in a child's life can tell you a lot about why they are the way they are.
I was struck by the section that discussed parents in the miliary. There is one child in my school with a parent in the military and her mother is very good about letting teachers know when the father is arriving or departing. Its wasn't until I read this section that I was able to attribute the child's anxious behaviors to the challenging home dynamic of dad always coming and going. The text is really good about highlighting the challenges in home life and the repercussions it has on a child's ability to learn in school.
DeleteIt was ironic that as I was reading through chapters 7 and 8 I received an email from the assistant principal from my school stating that she had finally found a student of mine who had been missing for almost 2 weeks. He is a fifth grader who has had a lot of turmoil in his life. We have been trying to get ahold of the family for over two weeks with no luck. He was finally found living in an abandoned house with no food and only the clothing on his back and had not eaten in a few days. School personnel has since been trying to help the family with the basics and to help find them a home and get back on their feet. The child is resilient and loves school and is kind, polite and compliant.
ReplyDeleteI also often think of the population I taught on the Blackfoot Indian Reservation in Montana where 1 in 3 babies are born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and 1 in 5 born addicted to meth. Sex abuse rates are also extremely high there. Even with all odds stacked against them, these children were resilient and had more street smarts than most adults.
As heart breaking as these situations are, especially since we have little to no control over preventing them, it is important that we focus on what we can do to help in fostering resilience in our students.
Grant, K.B. & Ray, J.A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Wow, its great that your school is working to help this family. I know that last year our school opened up a food pantry and it has made a world of difference for some of our families. Those who participate are asked to volunteer their time to the food pantry if they are able to. Every Tuesday our gym is filled with volunteers and LOTS of food. Families in need can come pick up the food or it can be delivered to them if they have no way to get to the school. I know I had a child last year who often did not have food on the weekends so they were able to make sure his whole family had enough food to last.
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DeleteReading these chapters was really tough! Unfortunately, a lot of the difficult circumstances talked about these in chapters have been present in my students. Although hard, these have helped make me into the teacher I am today.
ReplyDeleteIn chapter seven of our course text, the authors dive into obstacles such as poverty. In my area, poverty is definitely noticeable. According to the Maine DOE website, over 50% of students enrolled at my school were enrolled in the free/reduced lunch program in the 17/18 school year (School Participation Report - Lunches, Maine DOE). On top of that 50%, it can likely be assumed that there were families who felt embarrassed to apply for these programs and struggled to pay lunch bills or provide food from home for their child's lunch boxes. Our school nurse takes donations from teachers, parents, and local food banks to supply snacks for students who would go without otherwise. My class went apple picking and we planned to use the apples to make applesauce. After our apple sauce making, we had 38 apples left over so I asked the nurse if she would like them for her stash. She got a tear in her eye because she had been turning kids away for three days because her stock of snacks was completely gone. Since our Pre-K program only runs for 2.75 hours per session, we don't have snack time, as we have breakfast for the morning students and lunch for the afternoon students. The next time a parent asks if they can contribute a snack for the class, I will tell them about our school snack stash and ask if they would be willing to contribute for all students who attend our school. On page 205 of our course text, one sentence struck me: "The persistent threat of food insecurity, or children who are hungry on any given day, affects more than 500,000 households in the United States" (Grant & Ray, 2019). I've gone back to this page several times and I think of an interaction I had with a student. Background info: The Good Shepard Food Bank partners with our district to maintain the Backpack Program, which is a program that provides nonperishable items for two meals over the weekend to families who apply for the program. These bags are given out on Fridays. It was a Thursday, and as my student was loading the bus, they turned around and said "Wait! My bag! I forgot it!" I told them they were wearing their backpack so they were all set, and they responded "No! The brown bag! The brown one!" I asked, "What brown bag?" because I was a little confused, and they said "The one with the food! For my dinner!" I quickly realized this student was referencing the Backpack Program bag, which goes home in Hannaford bags. I told this student that they go home on Fridays and it was only Thursday, but I would have one tomorrow for them. The look on this four-year-old child's face broke my heart. When I went home that night, I worried. I worried this family would not have a meal, that the three children would go hungry. The dad works extended hours at work to get as much overtime as possible, and with three kids, the cost of daycare was not feasible even if mom was able to work, as it would eat up most of her paycheck.
The authors also note that some people, even educators, can relate poverty to the use of drugs, misuse of funds, etc. I know of teachers and other staff personnel who often say things such as "Well so-and-so in that family has a 'habit' and if they didn't waste all their money on it and cared about their kids..." I usually excuse myself from these conversations, because I've never met a parent who genuinely just doesn't care at all about their child. I have known parents with mental health difficulties who have "habits" as they would be called, but lack of health insurance or funds for co-pays, etc. contribute to the problem, not the lack of love or caring about their child. Moving forward, I think it is important to speak up on behalf of the family/student. In any case, a child should not have to deal with the exhausted sighs, eye rolls, or perceptions an adult has about their family. They should not be subjected to that embarrassment, especially because they have no control in that situation. I've heard teachers say "Well I can only do so much while they're here." I think it's important to remember that our students spend a lot of time with us each day, and our influence, ideas, attitudes, etc. have an effect on them long after the 3:00pm bell. If one of my students was laying in bed on Sunday night after a long weekend of wondering if they would eat soon, or at all, stomach growling reminding them they hadn't eaten dinner, but they were thinking "My teacher is going to be mad I have to go to the nurse to get a snack again since we didn't have enough money at the grocery store" then I didn't do my job.
DeleteReferences
Grant, K.B. & Ray, J.A. (2019). Home, school, and community collaboration: Culturally responsive family engagement (4th ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Maine Department of Education: Nutrition. (2019). School participation rate report - Lunches [Data file]. Retrieved from https://neo.maine.gov/DOE/neo/Nutrition/Reports/NutritionReports.aspx?reportPath=SchoolParticipationRateLunchReport
Hi Melissa,
DeleteI always struggle when hearing coworkers make judgements about parents. I used to deal with that a lot at a previous private preschool I worked at. Thankfully, Educare uses Touchpoints, which teaches us that judgement is a natural thing, but you need to let go of it immediately and assume that all parents want to do right by there children, even if it is not something that stands out. It is our job to provide support to the families, and ensure that we are doing everything we can to meet each child where they are at. As you said, children have no control over their parents choices, and they do not deserve different treatment based on what their parents do.
Melissa - your experience with children and families in poverty is really touching and sad. I am surprised how many families are effected, it seems so unfair that so many hard working families are facing the challenges of not being able to provide food for their families. I wish it were easier for teachers to help develop and promote resilience in children against the stresses of poverty. Being hungry is just one of the many repercussions of being poor, children will also face cognitive delays, lower math and reading scores, poor health and will be less likely to graduate high school (Childrens Defense Fund, 2017 as cited in Grant & Ray, 2019). I believe seeing and being with these misfortunes as a teacher and not being able to truly help the situation is one of the biggest challenges of the job.
DeleteMelissa,
DeleteMy school also has a backpack program. Ours is called "End 48 Hours of Hunger" and we send the bags home each Friday with enough food to get children through the weekend. I had a similar experience with one of my children that receive the weekly bags. I was walking him to his bus on a Monday afternoon and he said, "Ms. Lee, you forgot to pack my dinner!" I didn't understand him at first, but then I realized he must have been talking about the food bags. It made me wish I could pack him a dinner and send it home daily! The same child was eating crackers during our morning snack time and he left two on his napkin. He told me, "I want to bring save these and bring them home for dinner." I have been trying to send extra food home with this child as much as possible in the past several weeks. All children in our school get free breakfast. Some of my students eat breakfast at home, so I still mark down that these students got breakfast from school and then I take three items from the breakfast bin and set them aside. I send these extra pre-packaged items home with children whom I know face food insecurity.
Maggie, I never thought about saving the breakfast items! I have 3 students who regularly bring breakfast from home that I could be saving their items. I have been thinking about getting a mini fridge for the classroom to save their milk and juice as well, though I'm not sure that would travel well. The crackers and cereal that come with the breakfasts would be great to save and send home as extra items. I also have very picky lunch eaters this year, so finding a way to save some of their uneaten, untouched food would be great. The cafeteria sent home lunch bills today and one mom reached out to me about her child's. I could tell she was feeling embarrassed, even over the app, when she asked for a free/reduced lunch form. She said "I guess I thought we were in a better place..." I also had another family contact the secretary and ask for the form. I wish there wasn't so much stigma attached to the program, because all I see are families who are trying to do everything they can to make sure their child's needs are met, and there is no shame in that in my book.
DeleteWhile reading about emotional and psychological abuse in chapter eight I was shocked by the statistics they gave. Grant and Ray (2019) explained that when comparing children of emotional abuse to those who had been sexually abused they were, "65% more likely to have academic problems, 91% more likely to engage in criminal activity, 47% more likely to injure themselves, and 147% more likely to have attachment problems" ( pp. 247-248). Some people do not see emotional abuse to be as horrible as it really is being it does not leave a physical mark. These statistics along with the others they gave really emphasized how dramatic emotional abuse is and the huge impact it can leave on children.
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DeleteI agree, Lauren. This was shocking to me as well. I often hear people say things like "it could be worse, there could be physical abuse" or "they were young, they probably can't remember it anyway." It is unfortunate that so many people don't understand the lasting effects that abuse of any kind can have on people, especially when it is experienced early on in life.
Lauren & Ashley, I really cannot stand when people say "it could've been worse" about any type of abuse. It certainly could have been a whole lot better, like not happening at all! I hear people say the "they are so young they won't remember" phrase often when hearing about these situations, but these are innocent children forced into situations they have no control over, no idea what is happening, and steals childhood and innocence from them. They will now spend nearly their entire lives with these scars, and clearly based on the statistics Lauren listed, these are not scars that they "can't remember anyway."
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ReplyDeleteThe section on working with students in grief jumped out at me, as last year I taught a child whose grandfather (who lived with the family) passed away. This was shortly after my own father passed away, and so I related to the family so much. The teachers at my preschool wrote a condolence card to the family, and I wrote out a separate one and had my two co-teachers sign it with me. Grant and Ray (2019) suggest helping children in grief by being authentic when interacting with the child and family, and be a calming and nurturing presence for the child (p. 175). For the most part I said nothing to the mother or the student. It was several months before the child began withdrawing a little bit and would tell friends she missed her grandfather (I think it must have been around a birthday or family tradition in which he would have played a role). I approached her and let her know that I was listening to her.
ReplyDeleteAnother section of interest was on the role of teachers in reporting abuse. I called the mandated reporter hotline twice last year. The first I felt more ambiguous, but I had reasonable suspicion and so the director and I called. The second time red flags were going up all over the place, and it made me feel that I had over-reacted to the first situation. I really appreciated the interview with the child protective services caseworker in Grant and Ray (p. 255), where the caseworker says that the teacher's role is not to investigate, but to report if there is any reasonable suspicion of abuse.
Hi Casey,
DeleteI also found the section on teachers reporting abuse interesting. Grant and Ray (2019) discuss how teachers often have to make the decision on whether to report abuse and they often don't feel comfortable with handling this situation. It is interesting, because every school/site I have worked at seems to handle things a little differently. If we have suspicions of abuse at my school, are protocol is to bring the information forward to the principal and/or the guidance counselor or social worker. The guidance counselor or social worker will then talk to the child and they will determine whether a report should be made. They will then call in the report. Any staff at the school can/should make reports without going through this process, as we are all mandatory reporters. I find the process very helpful, because it ensures that I am not just overreacting and it makes me feel more confident about my decision to make a report. When something has occurred where I have more then just a general suspicion, I typically call in the report myself, as I may have more firsthand accounts of the concern. I was very stressed the first time I had to call DHHS to make a report. However, the process wasn't as intimidating as I had thought it would be.
Today I had to think back to my reading from Chapter 6. My child who had her father pass away a few weeks ago opened up about it for the first time. I heard her say to another child "my daddy died." The other child asked if her daddy had died, clearly not understanding what it means. I answered and told her that her Daddy didn't die, he is just living in a different place than her. The other child said "My daddy did die. He is in heaven. It was his turn to go." I replied and said "you are right, it was his turn to go to heaven, but you can always remember how special he is and because you bring Daddy bear places with you, its like he is always there." She gave me a hug. As I was having this conversations I thought about how Grant & Ray (2019) explained that it is important to answer the child's questions and respect what the parents have told the child. Until then, the child had not brought it up, and her mother hasn't shared a lot about how she has dealt with the situation. I had to respond on the fly, but thankfully she provided me with enough information to be able to know what she has been told. It's hard to know what to say, but it is important to keep the conversations open and honest.
ReplyDeleteAshley, making sure to stay in the loop of what the families have told the child is so important. I made sure to reach out at least once a week to my student's mom to make sure I was well versed on what her daughter knew and the language they were using so I could be as consistent as possible. Our school also had a presentation done through the Center for Grieving Children, and in the presentation they said it is important to verbally recognize and validate the child's statements and feelings. For example, the first day back, my student was very quiet, and right before the bus she asked me to zip her coat, and she said "my dad died" and I said "Your dad did die. Your face is telling me that this is a sad day. I'm here if you need me." The next day she was a little more open, which I attribute to my response. I almost feel if I had said something differently, she may not have responded as well. The presenters said that by validating and almost repeating what students are saying, it is telling them loud and clear "I am listening, I am here" and in these times, that's what they really need.
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